Letters of Nicholas II and Alexandra Feodorovna, 1898

Following the death of Queen Louise of Denmark

The Death of Queen Louise of Denmark

On September 29 (September 17 by the Julian calendar), 81 year old Queen Louise of Denmark, grandmother of Emperor Nicholas II of Russia, died peacefully at Bernstorff Palace. At the time of his grandmother’s death, Nicholas and his family were holidaying at Livadia in the Crimea. Together with his immediate family was Empress Alexandra Feodorovna’s older sister Irène, Princess Henry of Prussia.

 It was decided that Nicholas would travel alone to Denmark for the funeral of his grandmother, with Alexandra staying behind at Livadia - the first prolonged separation in their marriage. At the time Nicholas left, Alexandra was just beginning to suspect that she was pregnant - as it turns out, she was indeed pregnant with her third daughter Maria. 

 Nicholas’s letters and telegrams to Alexandra during his absence had been archived chronologically with his other letters to Alexandra during this time period, but Alexandra’s letters to Nicholas were not archived in the file of letters from her to him for this period of time, and as such, when I published Alexandra Feodorovna Diaries and Correspondence: Volume III, Alexandra’s letters were not included.

 Recently I was informed by the Russian State Archives (GARF) that these letters were in fact filed amongst letters of Nicholas’s mother Maria Feodorovna to her son (GARF 601-1-1295). While I received these letters too late to include in the first edition of the book, they prove an interesting insight to this period in Nicholas and Alexandra’s lives, and as such I am publishing the letters here, together with Nicholas’s letters, prior to an updated version of the book.

 All spelling and grammar is as written in the original letters.

Alexandra Feodorovna to Nicholas II

No. 139

Livadia

Sunday Sept 20th/Oct 2nd 1898

My own precious beloved Darling,

 You will read these lines when the horrid train will be carrying you always further and further away from poor Wify. Our first separation since the marriage - I am frightened of it, I cannot bear the idea of your going too far away without me. 

 But I must not grumble. Motherdear is in great sorrow and needs your comfort and your presence is also wished for by poor Apapa - what a joy still to think that you can be of use and help to others in grief. My thoughts will not forsake you for one instant, and my tender prayers will surround. God bless and protect you, my own treasure, my lovy dear and may He watch over you with His angels.

 I cannot bear to think what will become of me without you - you who are my one and all, who make up all my life. I shall write to you every day, so as that you can sometimes have a word from me when you are with all the others. It will seem to you like bygone years, only two beloved Ones are no more - how you will miss poor Amama - God help and Comfort you!

 If they only do not keep you too long, tho’ I understand poor Motherdear longing to have you near her and to be able to pour out her heart to you. Kiss her fondly from me. How horrid all will seem, so empty and sad - the nights all alone - send me a blessing before you sleep, I shall always do so for you - the winds will bring it you. Take care of yourself lovy sweet and come back well and strong to me.

 It seems as tho’ you should never get any quiet and rest, just you who need it so much. I shall count the days and hours and may they pass as quickly as these weeks have, tho’ I muchly doubt it. 

 Oh, how I love you, how I love you, my own precious huzy dear, ever deeper, stronger, purer. I never dreamt that our married life would have been so perfect, such utter happiness your love has brought me.

 Our dear little Girlies will have to comfort me. Oh Nicky, my Manny, this separation is hard, and I did want you to rest and us to live a quiet life of love. How happy Motherdear will be to have you with her, poor dear, she is alone now to bear her grief, and you will be her greatest comfort.

 If I only knew whether something is beginning with me or not, God grant it may be so, I long for it, and so does my huzzy too, I think.

 Our last night to-gether, and then all alone for two long weeks - but I am selfish to grumble and make you still sadder. Your journey is hard enough and the arrival will be awful and I shall not be near you to kiss and comfort you and hold you tight in my loving arms. I shall often telegraph to you out of the “Unicode” on the journey too, to tell you how we got back here and you will too sometimes, won’t you - letters I shall send daily to Bernstorff and then Libau on the way home, it will be a comfort to write to you, I am too much accustomed to tell you every trifle that I cannot suddenly stop doing so. I shall sleep in your cabin on the Standart and feel nearer your heart and thoughts then, my own adored Nicky love, my old лаусбубъ¹ of bygone days when we used to write to each other, do you remember?

 Oh my душка², to see your dear big, sad eyes makes me wretched - ach, why cannot I go with you - but what was I to do with Irène who had made that long journey on purpose so as to see me before her great voyage. 

 My absence won’t be regretted there by any of the rest as I am still somewhat a stranger amongst them all, and now they want to have only those there whom they were accustomed to see around poor Amama. 

 Goodbye now my angel, my own true love, my joy, my Nicky. I kiss you and kiss you, + your own Wify for ever and ever

 Monday - I am not feeling quite well to-day , a little sickly - perhaps - perhaps - - or the other again.

No 140

Livadia Sept 20th/Oct 2nd 1898, Sunday

My own precious One,

 I hope you will find these lines upon your arrival at Bernstorff, so as that you may feel Wify’s presence. The waves are splashing on the shore and my heart is full of sorrow at the idea of its being our last evening to-gether for a long and dreary time.

 Give my love to all the dear Ones and tell them how much my thoughts are with them, also A. Alix and A. Olga. 

 Not a moment will you be out of my thoughts and burning heart. My love is so great and it grows ever more and more and deeper and purer. Try and cheer up, sweet Pet, for their sakes, they need all your love and attention, my full share I know I always have. That they only don’t try and keep you after the funeral, it would be so hard, but I won’t be selfish, only it is stronger than me, that awful wish to have you back again, you know from whom I have never been separated for four years. And that long journey all alone, poor Lovy.

 But now, Goodbye and God bless and protect you and keep you from all harm and bring you safe and sound back again into the arms of your tenderly, passionately loving old Wify

Alix

100000000000 kisses

Nicholas II to Alexandra

Pavlograd

22 September 1898

Hope safely arrived slept well in despair to be without You tender thanks for sweet letter touched me so. Weather fine though cooler . Fondest love to You Irène Children

Your Nicky

Alexandra to Nicholas II

No 141

Ливадiя³

Sept 22nd/Oct 3rd 98

My own beloved darling Nicky dear,

 Here I am back again and feeling lonely and lost without my huzzy sweet. I ran directly into yr rooms and smelt your handkerchiefs and put a little scent near my nose. It looked so dreary and no Iman⁴ there to tumble over. We had a glorious passage back, 8.45 - 12.20.

 This second, 3.30, Janin brought me your precious telegram, for wh fondest thanks. I am so glad you slept well, tho’ your bed was delicious, I woke up almost every hour - looked out of the window, and listened to the clanking the watchmen made on shore to keep the thieves away. 

 It was too awful saying goodbye to you and to have to turn away from that sweet face - a long time I saw still your white cap waving - we kept along near you and were close again when the train came out of the tunnel. I kept up all the evening, we sat outside, then drank tea witht he rest, heard the sailors sing their evening prayers next to the Cabin on deck and then we seperated. And then I hurried to bed, locked the doors and…howled, I felt too wretched for words, so utterly lost, and thinking of you all alone always being carried further and further off was ghastly. I dread this first night especially in our own room - I must put out the lights alone, only Ara⁵ will keep me company. 

 I was up before half past 8, Irène, Sandro and one or two gentlemen also, I said goodbye to the Admirals who had come on board. The sun was shining brightly and I gazed at all the places we had been to-gether, then I worked on deck and later we (family) went to the other end, photoed the officers, then the crew on the both bridges and below, then the officers us, and at last the officers with Wify in the centre as they begged for it. I looked mad with my hair all over the place as usual. Then I and Irène tried their excellent “Проба”⁶ , fresh щи⁷. 

We came up beautifully to the pier, I dying of fright on account of thanking them, and when I did so, my voice was so in my boots, that only three answered me, and the rest (by order) when I had already crossed the bridge - it was painful and you wld have been muchly ashamed at Wify. I am sure the Kitten Fifi will imitate me.

 Lots of people were in the streets, but quite silent and well behaved. They Babies I found flourishing, they kiss you. We lunched with all. Irène wants to see Orianda, and then returns here to tea on the balcony - we were painting and I am still sitting in my apron, but she went down to discuss with Joey about her dresses for her long voyage - they can never agree about what she needs, so I shall still have some time to write. 

 Did you play bezique last night, I wonder. This evening we shall have the people again as usual. The candles were not brought at luncheon, but I was good and let them smoke. 

 I am now lying on the sopha as I have the aches rather, but as yet lady is behaving well, God grant she may continue.

 We saw the Babies go to bed after playing with them in the nursery. Olga sends you “love,” good kiss, “is a good girlie,” she was very sad not to be able to bless you.

 The letters I give in the evening at 9, and the train leaves Simferapol the next morning, the letters don’t go by sea.

 Paul answered thanks from St Jean de Luz. Hendrikoff telegraphed to the Pss Bariatinsky with expressions of condolence to you. I got a letter from Pss Galitzine who knew nothing yet, she begs to be remembered to you and to thank for her first stay in the Crimea wh she enjoyed so much. 

 It seems so strange to address my letters to you in French or in English - it makes me quite shy. I am wearing your heavenly brooch underneath and constantly peep at the big black tear. Soon we are seperated 24 hours and you poor Darling have to continue traveling still several days. I wonder what date I shall get your first letter, as you will have little time for writing with all the family round you. A telegram daily would also be a comfort. No, how I long for you back again, the seperation will be awful. What will dear boysy do without lady - they will be mad when they meet again.

 Now Goodbye my own adored One, my husband, my joy, whom I love with every fibre of the heart, without whom I cannot exist, who is my one and all, whom I love ever stronger and deeper, my precious Nicky. I cover your beloved face with kisses and +

 Your own, yr very own little Wify.

I press a big kiss here.

Alix

Nicholas II to Alexandra

N128

22nd - 24th Sept. 1898

in the train

My own beloved sweet Wify,

 I cannot thank you enough for your tender, dear, long letter which you left me in the train. I read it after I lost sight of the launch that was taking you away on board the yacht. That was a horrid moment. Did you see me wave my cap out of the window? I followed you until you got into the boat but after that I lost sight of you in the dark. I stood there at the window until we passed Inkerman, where the bells were ringing. The moon shone beautifully and the harbour looked so lovely with the lit up ships, especially the Standart.

 I just got your first dear telegram from Livadia, it is comforting to know you safely at home!

 God grant I may meet you there as quickly as possible. After all it is a long journey.

 How sad I am not to see your sweet beloved face. I cannot tell you. It is true we are so accustomed of being constantly together, that now we are separated I feel lost. Have you been unwell or not…? deary mine!

 Yesterday I walked at one of the stations where we got out then together and gathered small shells off the ground. The shells and a tiny doll of the children’s remained in yr cabin here on the table. I like to look at them because they remind me of my wify.

 In the evenings (you were right in saying that) I feel still more lost and lonely. Iman and I we wander about our carriage and sit on yr bed and think of those we have left behind! I read a good deal, otherwise I play bésique with Fatty while the other four play vindt.

 It is beastly cold and rainy outside, such a difference from what we had in Livadia. All the trees are so yellow and in general everything looks dreary without my own beloved darling. 

 Not for a second does the vision of your angelic face leave my mind, and whatever I do, I always think you are somewhere near me! In the evenings we sit together and play cards, like in the afternoons - it happens to me even then to feel my eyes suddenly become moist and lump rise in my throat, all that because poor huzy is alone! Alone! 

 24th Sept We have just arrived at Libau - it is fine but cold and rather windy, but what does it all matter since my sweety is not with me. I am writing to you now in my cabin on board the dear “Polar Star” - the two little inscriptions on the windows have remained as they were. My darling - I miss you so dreadfully and I am so jealous of the feldjäger who is bringing this letter, that he will see you, my adored wify! 

 Please excuse this stupid letter of mine, my darling, but as it was begun three days ago, it is difficult to continue in the same swing. 

 Now I must say “God bless you” my own beloved sweety, as we must soon leave and the messenger must be sent ashore. I love you, I love you, pray for you and think of you night and day. I kiss you and Olga and Татьяна⁸ tenderly. Give my love to Irène and my compliments to every one.

 Ever your own truly loving huzy

Nicky

God bless you and the children!

23 September 1898

Slept well, feel very lonely, weather fine but cold. In thoughts always with You my Darling, hope not too sad. Invite officers Standart to luncheon. Does Irène bathe? Fondest love from Nicky

Alexandra to Nicholas II

No 142

Ливадiя⁹

Sept 23rd/Oct 5th 1898

 My beloved Nicky dear,

This morning it was cool and grey, but we went down to the sea and I was quite hot, I never saw such calm, scarcely a ripple and not a sound. Irène bathed, but she can’t any more for a few days. Olga asked me this morning: “did Auntie Irène sleep with you in bed?” It seemed to her strange that I should be alone, and indeed it was strange, unnatural and awfully sad - so quiet and lonely. I brushed my hair with your brush after the bath and often go through your room, but it looks cold and dreary. 

 We breakfasted downstairs on the balconey and then spoke to Seckendorff about the journey as she will stop here two days longer and only leave on the 2/14th.

 We saw Kratchkofsky painting in the garden under our balconies. 

 Yesterday evening we had tiddledywinks and drawing and writing games in our corner. I looked in vain for the two bèzique players. 

 I think we must make an expedition to-day, it will amuse the others more, perhaps Xenia will join us. I feel rather strange and as yet all right. Think of me and pray that all may go well. I have said yr papers (newspapers) are to be sent straight fr Petersburg to Bernstorff - yr letters I shall look through, should there be anything necessary or interesting I shall send it on. 

 I wonder in what rooms they will lodge you, look at the window in the middle sitting room, I think we wrote our names there. Please let me know in good time when you leave so as that I can send a letter to Libau instead of Bernstorff.

 I cannot keep my thoughts a moment away from you, my own old treasure, my lovy sweet - if you only knew how intensely I love and adore you. Oh Ники, мои Ники, я тебя такъ люблю, люблю. Ты моя радость, мои мужъ.¹⁰ Tender kisses for your sweet telegram. I got one from Granny. She is glad you are going to Denmark, and one from Motherdear thanking for my letter and rejoicing that you are coming for her sake and Apapa’s. 

 I hope you got my telegrams at the stations you had mentioned, Лихачево and Березина.¹¹ This afternoon we picnicked at Мисхоръ.¹² A party rode, Irène, Sonia, Marie B and I drove (Sonia may again not ride for a while as the Dr finds her again less - so tiresome for the poor creature.) Xenia, Sandro and party met us there for tea, in the same place as last time, and I felt the absence of my darling, oh, so much! Mamentoff climbed on the Cedar. To-day Benkendorff’s brother wired that the funeral is fixed for the 3rd. I hope they will let you off the next day, as you will have been there a week. But lovy dear, if Motherdear beggs you very much to stay for yet a few days, then do it for her sake - patience you know is our motto since 89. Poor dear, you are the nearest to her lonely heart now and she can seek for comfort from you. Knowing that you are fulfilling a duty, I shall bear up, however hard it may be, our love will be all the stronger when we meet again, and we must not be selfish, tho’ for your own precious sake, the sooner you return to the quiet south, the better.

 Olga tells you she is good, and did not say поди прочь¹³ - she sends you a kiss, love. 

Zichy made a charming drawing for Irène’s book, us 3 at table with the babies.

 I have said about the officers for luncheon, and for Sunday Mme Гессе¹⁴, Meyendorff and Fredericks. It will be such shy work without you. Irène will probably go to her service in town, she comes back for luncheon and it will give her the occasion of seeing the ladies without receiving them separately. I shall miss you fearfully in Church - our thoughts and earnest prayers will meet. I hope you will be able to go on board or in town. 

 Oh, these lonely nights, kept back emotions tire one out so I slept till 7. No, my deep blue oceans, my lakes, how I long to plunge into them, their last look was heartrending. 

 God bless and comfort you, my own precious treasure, my Nicky Dear, I kiss you over and over again, yr own old Wify

+  Alix

Irène sends you her very best love.

A kiss.

 

Nicholas II to Alexandra

24 September 1898

Roboro to-day and yesterday fine weather but very rough sending You letter with messenger. Thoughts always with you.

Fondest love

Nicky

24 September 1898

Had to return here as a storm was blowing at sea we rolled heavily but everything else allright, insupportably tiresome to stick here alone do not know when we may get out again. Shall wire before leaving. Tenderest love

Nicky

Alexandra to Nicholas II

No 143 Ливадiя

Sept 24th/Oct 6th 1898

My own precious Nicky dear,

 I was so glad to hear through Benkendorff that the sea is calm to-day, God grant you may have a good passage and no fogg. Dear old Polar Star, it will remind you of your journey to England and back in 94. How anxiously they will all be awaiting your arrival. Lazareff has begged that the “Standart” should lie at the boyes, as she disturbs the other ships from coming in - the passengers have to land in boats and their luggage too, wh makes it more expensive for them, so I said she was to go out, but I see she has not moved yet. Friedricks let me know yesterday that he was better and that the Drs had decided he should remain living on board, I shall ask the officers who lunch to-day more about him.

 Last night we had games as usual. Young Carnot telegraphed to Fredericks to announce the death of his poor Mother to us - he has expressed our sympathy in his sorrow. Charles Alexandre wrote to Irène and sent you many messages (he knew nothing then.)

 We went down to the beach again this morning, after having had a talk with Kratchkofsky, standing under a parasole, at his easle with pencil in hand. I have been painting the pots and my fingers are most dirty.

 Irène gave me some nice photos of herself. She had a letter from Toria yesterday, before the news had reached her, from Mar Lodge. 

 Returning from the drive I found your telegram. I am in utter despair that there was such a storm so you had even to return again to Libau. My poor darling all alone there, no wify to sit near you and keep you company, it makes me yet more unhappy that I could not accompany you. It is awful to think that you were out and rolling heavily, as the Polar Star can. I trust you were not ill or suffering - had I but been near you - it is horrid to be seperated, every moment makes one anxious for the beloved One far away. God grant the sea may calm down quickly, so as that you can get off. Such an endless journey and just when you are coming to its close, you are stopped - poor Motherdear will be miserable losing a day, I trust no more. I shall eagerly await yr telegram that you are going to start and pray more earnestly than ever for you.

 Olga sends you “love kiss, I bless him.” She was not very obedient this evening, so could not help emptying the bath, wh was a sore disappointment. Forgive the blotches, but they have freshly filled the inkstand, the ink is awfully watery.

 It is too dear of you sending me a letter, I shall eagerly await its arrival. 

This afternoon we both went to the diggings, but found nothing, we dug and scratched and then drank tea and looked at old things wh had been found at Kertch - two gold things Sandro will keep for you to look at. I bought a wee ring with a running dog on a garnet as it amused me. 

 (Then two peasants (Bulgarians) came there and showed us two monkeys, a little one and a big pavian¹⁵, indecent, with drawers on, but a pink behind showing out. He had a muzzle on and was vicious - killing brutes wh danced about.)

 This morning again, a coin had been found. One of the soldiers dreamt that he found a gold plate, so he is most excited. 

 It is quite chilly and damp this evening. Pussy sweet, I have hopes I think……, how I long it were really so, we must wait a little still. Oh my sweet love, my precious Darling, I long for you so much, I love you so terribly and yearn for your tender kisses and blessings. Ты моя радость, я тебя такъ ужасно люблю, обожаю, душка моя, мой Ники, ты!¹⁶  

 I read in the agent’s telegram before that poor Granny, whilst out driving with A. Vicky and Vicky nearly had an accident. The horses bolted and the carriage stuck between two trees - they were only shaken and luckily none the worse for it. 

 The Dr lunched to-day, he wishes Fredericks to live quietly on board as he has him then under his surveyance and sees to his bath. I talked German with him, french to Вязански¹⁷ and English to Strizenko (I think he is called something like that.)

 But now goodbye and God bless and protect you my adored huzy dear. I kiss you over and over again front he Babies and yr tenderly loving little Wify +

Alix

Kiss

 

Nicholas II to Alexandra

25 September 1898

Libav

Roboro yesterday now weather better leaving at 2 afternoon. In thoughts and prayers with You. Tender love to You and Irène

Nicky

Alexandra to Nicholas II

No. 144 Ливадiя

Sept 25th/Oct 7th 1898

My own beloved Ники¹⁸,

 With anxiety I am awaiting a telegram from you, whether you can start. I can imagine what your feelings must be, and you can guess mine. My thoughts are only with you and it is difficult to attention to what others are saying when one is far, far away in dreamland. I could not get to sleep for a long time, I was so worried and low. 

 I suppose you spent the evening with the officers, they will have cheered you up a bit, my poor lovy dear. We played as usual, and even Janisheff played with Schneiderlein, Hirsch and Piminoff.

 To-day the groups came, they are excellent, you are sweet on them, I as usual scowling with a short, broad, hard face. The groups I did on board have partly succeeded very well. The light alas got onto some.

 This morning Olga came to me at 8 ½ already, they were both very early up. She came to my bath and it amused her very much. I brought her back in my carriage front he sea, where I had gone alone as Irène went shopping in Ялта¹⁹ with Marie B. I felt melancholy and longed for my душка.²⁰ There were 15 degrees in the water wh was calm tho’ in the distance I saw white heads. 

 I have put the Babies to bed, Olga sends “kiss and a love.” With joy I received your telegram that you could leave at 2, tho’ I fear the words “sea better” does still not seem very promising. God grant you may have a good passage, my prayers will be more earnest than ever for you, my own love.

 We went to Alipka for tea, Xenia and party met us - we photoed and took tea on the stairs. Some rode again. We drove with Sonia and Meyendorff, and coming home the horses stuck at the last steep part and the carriage began going down backwards, so we jumped out and the Cossacks, Hassan and Meyendorff kept it up for a while, whilst we held the 2 Cossacks horses - we walked home as it was not above 5 minutes and the poor beasts were almost expiring (the same when we met Irène)

 Meyendorff told us Pushkin asked him whether he was driving alone, then he wanted to go with him, so he said I had asked him (as he usually drove alone), but if he would not go with Bode who was alone in a carriage, whereupon P. gave Bode one look, turned round on his heels and went away - too rude for words, I find, how dare he be so conceited. 

 Seckendorff and doughters and Hartong are since 2 days in Sebastopol and return by carriage to-morrow evening. They were also going to Bachtshisarei.

 3 Officers lunched again, Galitzine was one of the number, he sat in his old place and teazed Mlle. Obeliani as usual - he very rarely glanced at me, he felt I was sad I am sure. I showed them the photos, later I had done.

 Now Goodbye and God bless you my own dear Angle, my Nicky, my huzy sweet. I kiss over and over again with deep and true devotion. Yr own old Wify

Alix

+ 1000 kisses

Irène sends best love. Tender love to Motherdear, Misha, Olga and A. Olga and Sophie, - and to U. George Cambridge, many messages please.

Nicholas II to Alexandra

26 September/8 October 1898

Arrived after good passage, leave ship directly, thoughts constantly with You, fine autumn weather, shall write now often. Fondest love

Nicky

N 129

Sept 26th/Oct 8th 98

My own beloved sweet darling Wify,

 Here I am, arrived at last after that endless voyage by rail and by sea, sitting at the same table as two years ago in the big middle room which was our sitting room then in 1896. This is my room now, A. Thyra is my neighbour to the right (Mama’s old room) and A. Alix is to the left in our bedroom! Everything reminds me so painfully of my sweet little Wify, that I could cry knowing you to be so far away. 

 But I must begin by telling you how I got here. Two days ago I sent off my first letter to you from the Polar Star, not thinking in the least that three hours later I would again be back to Libau and spend there 24 hours.

 The day looked fine and it blew very hard from the North. As soon as we put out to sea the yacht began to roll and the further we got out the more it pitched quite like between Portsm. and Cherbourg. All our lunch was upset, things were sent flying about in the cabins - there was no hope it getting calmer, so Lomen proposed we should go back and after rolling and dancing like a torpedo-boat on the waves, we steamed into the harbour of Libau three hours after we had left. Though it was nice the moment itself to get into quiet water the idea that I had lost a day in vain made me desperately angry. None of us had suffered from sea-sickness, but when all over - poor little Hesse  felt very bad and feverish, so that the next day, when we had decided to leave, he asked the permission to travel on by land. We left yesterday 35th at two of the afternoon and arrived here exactly at 12 today. On the whole the weather was most favourable in this time of the year, but of course we rolled as the swell had not gone down, but at least there was no wind. Though the temperature seemed to me far from being warm, I have managed not to catch cold as yet! We played at “Bull” with all the officers from 3 till 7. Had a very good dinner in the small dining cabin quite downstairs, after which I sat with the officers in their mess room. Both nights I slept beautifully in the children’s cabin, in the middle, in a real bed, wh was a treat after the shaky railroad.

 Towards evening there was hardly any movement, tho’ the yacht shot frightfully from the speed we were steaming at. In the evening later I went down to the officers, all that reminded me so much my going to England in 1894.

 Sept. 27. I arrived yesterday with very fine weather exactly at 12.0. The yacht anchored at a place near Copenhagen called “Bellevue” - a small pier and a few houses. My astonishment was great when on landing I was met by dear Apapa, Mama and the whole family. They all looked more cheery and less worn out than I imagined. As soon as we drove up to the house, they led me into the bed-room where stands the coffin, shut up, and surrounded by masses of flower wreaths wh looks very pretty. 

 Still I must say it seems sad to me to think that the body does not remain in a church near by - I think it would be preferable in every respect. Poor Apapa looks remarquably fresh, he goes into that room constantly and then takes long, long walks - to wh of course the family accompanies him. 

 The reason of the delay of the funeral is that everything concerning the burial, black cloth garments, catafalk etc have been lost in a fire that occured some 12 years ago and the ceremonials have disappeared!

 Apapa wants the funeral to be a state ceremony and they therefore need such a long time to get these preparations ready. When I come back I shall tell all I have heard from Mama and the others about poor Amama’s last days - touchingly sad!!

 This instant they brought me yr sweet long letter, the first one from Ливадiя.²¹ I thank you from my heart for every line of love in it and for the flower. Yesterday on arriving here I already found yr dear letter from on board the Standart, I think N 140. Today I received N 141. 

 My sweet darling, I love you too madly and deeply for words, everything here reminds me so of you. But now alas I must end, as the messenger might miss the train. God bless you my beloved own little Wify. Kiss the Children tenderly from me, Irène also. I shall write as often as I can.

 I picked this pensée for you in the garden.

 Good-bye my sweet Alix, my joy and happiness. Ever yr very own loving true huzy

Nicky

Alexandra to Nicholas II

No 145 Livadia

Sept 26th/Oct 8th 1889²²

My own beloved Nicky dear, 

I am sitting out on the balcony with Irène who is also writing and reading the papers. One hears the waves beating on the shore, there is little sun and clouds on the mountains, but I got hot walking. I took her to see the Parents’ house as she wanted to so much, your two rooms and upstairs - oh, how sad it made me feel, every moment and incident of then came back to my mind - I prayed there and felt quieter. 

 Not one tear has any one seen since you left, I kept up, as I know you don’t like one to show it before others. Therefore I am going to Chuch to-night so as to behave well to-morrow, as I shall miss you there awfully. How I shall pray for you - our prayers will meet I am sure. I shall be all alone with Baby as Irène will go to service in town. It is at 6 ½ always here, and then we go to Ай Тодоръ²³ to dinner, Benkendorff and Marie B too. I like seeing dear Xenia, my huzy’s sister, and she is always so dear to the old Hen.

 We are drinking tea on the balcony and they just brought me your telegram, for wh a big kiss. Thank God you have arrived safely and had good passage - and little Гессе²⁴ has gone round by land, I hear.

 I feel so much for you, your arrival and meeting will be so terribly sad - dear boysy with my whole heart I am with you - God comfort you all. Kiss dear little Motherdear very tenderly from me. I know what she is suffering - your sweet presence will help her to bear this new trial. May you sleep well, my treasure. I have asked the service to be at 8 ¼ so as to go to it alone with Marie B, it will comfort me in my loneliness, and I want to thank God there for your safe arrival - a load is off of my mind now.

 We played at 8 hands and then I. and I walked along the Oreanda path.

 How tiresome these stories in China are, I hope now that sailors and cossacks have been sent that they will behave themselves. I trust you won’t be bothered with too many Feldjäger.

 We eat wee oysters “au gratin” every day at закуска²⁵ and it makes me think of you.

 I am so glad you are returning by land, it will be much tho’ a day longer.

 Three officers lunched again to-day.

 Now I must say Goodbye and God bless you, as it is time to change my dress and run to the Babies’ bath. Fare well my angle, I cover your precious face and deep lakes with kisses and remain yr own old Wify

+ Alix

1000 kisses

 

Nicholas II to Alexandra

27 Sept/9 Oct 1898

Roboro thanks everybody looking very well dear Apapa too melopepo 20 Sept going to church in town sigma am writing.

Tender love

Nicky

Alexandra to Nicholas II

No 146 Livadia

Sept.   /Oct 9th 1898

 My own precious Lovy,

 I cover your sweet face with kisses and press you to my loving heart. I was so glad to receive Motherdear’s kind telegram yesterday after your arrival. I saw Fatty’s to Fredericks too - how dear of poor Apapa coming to meet you. His grief must be awfully touching and pathetic to see - how wretched he must, yr dear presence will comfort him, I am sure.

 Many fond thanks for your dear telegram, I am so glad you find poor Apapa looking well. I shall await yr first letter with great eagerness - the one from Libau I hope will come at last to-morrow.

 Well yesterday evening it was very merry at Xenia’s as the couple Fifi were there - but they had unluckily to leave soon, as she got an attack of fievre and felt miserable. It was a cloudy night, so we had to go with torches, it reminded me so much of our drives to-gether there.

 This morning we awoke and torrents of rain were coming down - before Church however it cleared up. I was all alone as poor little Olga had fallen down from her chair in the nursery, she got up on the arm chair and fell over it. They at once put icerags and pomade divine on it, but it swoll up so and was all colours of the rainbow. She was miserable not to come with me, but as it had just happened, I thought it wiser she should go to bed as usual. She is quite cheery however. 

 As it cleared up we went driving and riding to Учансу²⁶ - really there was a waterfall this time. Irène and Sonia would climb up on the right side, but had to come down when they got half way up, and that with great difficulty and Hartong and Piminoff’s help. Ridzevsky went up after them quickly. They dirted and tore their dresses of course.

 We went there by the upper (farm) road and returned to Anmama’s Coffeehouse where we took tea - the view was lovely. Putjatine is also here now as Bode leaves soon.

 I heard to-day of old Wojekof’s death in Paris, and then of Uncle Abbat’s wife’s death - she was so nice and kind to me in Berlin and Cassel.

 The stories in China seem to continue - I get the agency telegrams now, read them and then give them on to the gentlemen. I suppose Mouravef will have to return, it is good in case of need you can get him easily now.

 I hope you won’t have any worries and bothers, Wify far away and not there to be able to share it with you. I give the English papers to Orchie as you won’t need them, and the illustrated ones I carefully lay on your sopha. Your dear dressing gown hangs in the bathroom and once I embraced it and wrapped myself up in it. The nights are so sad, I cover myself over with as many shawls as I can get hold of and then I feel less lonely - if I stretch out my hand to your side, the sheet is like ice. I say my prayers on your side. Oh, come back soon to your loving, longing Wify. I think a great happiness is in store for us and it is so sad to begin it alone and not to share these feelings of awakening happiness with you. Don’t tell it a soul - it is so new still and one can never be quite sure yet. 

 Now I must say Goodbye and God bless you, my own beloved Nicky dear, my lovy sweet - give my fondest love to Motherdear, Misha and Olga and say some kind words of love to poor dear Apapa from me - God help him!

 I kiss you and hug you, yr own, very own old Wify

Alix

+ kisses

Nicholas II to Alexandra

N 130

Sept 28/Oct 10 1898

My beloved darling Alix,

 Today no letter has come probably because it was a Sunday yesterday and the daily letter stuck somewhere in Germany! But I got a telegram from you, wh is always something, this morning and one from Xenia just now! Perhaps two dear letters may come tomorrow and fill up for a few moments poor huzy’s loneliness!

 I have got quite into the family again, they all ask me about you and the children and regret yr absence very much. Mother dear and Apapa were exceedingly sorry you had not come, as they had not heard about Irène’s long journey to China. 

 Of course I explained them about the difficulty we both experienced during the first days after Amama’s death as to whether I or two were to go to Denmark. Mama told me that Apapa had expressed the wish that I was to come and it was for his sake that she had telegraphed to me. Therefore I really feel that I have done my duty and am pleased in this sense to be here with them. On the whole we are 36 members of the family living here together and some in town.

 We lunch, dine and walk all in a crowd and do not see the ladies and gentlemen! Any one who saw the family at table could not imagine that the Grandmother was dead and that every body was assembled here for the funeral - such jabbering laughing and fighting is going on all day. Aunt Olga told me that Apapa had said he felt happy and comforted seeing the young generations going on with boisterous manners, as nature has got its laws, that nothing can change. The days are spent exactly as they used to be, much time is lost in dawdling and waiting for each other. It astonishes us all to see the amount of walking dear Apapa takes every day, one could never say he is 80.

 Toria is not coming as she must look after u. Bertie; but Georgie arrives this night. I told Mama today that I wanted to leave after the funeral, and as she did not answer me I concluded that she consented, so little Гессе²⁷ has got the orders to make the necessary arrangements for me to leave on the 5/17 Oct in the morning. I decided to return by land, not to be kept waiting another 24 hours by fog or storms if I went by sea. On the whole this way is six hours longer but as I shall travel by rail without stopping as at Libau, I hope to arrive in the same time as it took me to come here. I send you the маршрутъ²⁸, the stations underlined in red pencil are those to wh you can telegraph in english. 

 So with God’s blessing I hope to meet you, my sweet darling, the 9th Oct in the morning at Sebastopol at the spot on wh we separated. I think it is the day of yr arrival at Livadia then four years ago. The joy of seeing your beloved sweet face again can make me mad, I better not think about so soon. My precious little wify, I miss you so awfully especially at night. Here I sleep in my old camp-bed, which reminds me of our stay at Елагинъ.²⁹ When I see all the other young couples together I feel so forlorn and out of the place. But I am quite sure that not one of those husbands loves his wife so strongly and devotedly as I love my Alix!

 Your name is continually used here (a. Alix and little Alix of Cumberland) and that makes me start up every time and gives me a shock. Fancy boysy is so sad that he is alone, that it has made me forget about his very existence. He sends his respects to lady. 

 Christian and Adini look very happy, she is rather fattish. Maud is thinner than ever, but looks well and drives every day on her bicycle with Charles near her. The Cumberland cousins are very nice and all three are such tall handsome charming girls. Misha, that sinner, gets on perfectly well with them; during the walks two of them always hang on his arms! 

 A. Swan looks more hideous and repulsive than ever, her hair in a straight grey line hanging over her eyes, some teeth fallen out, oh! simply awful, the poor thing! 

 Your friend the fat boy has become a sort of prized fat pig in the litteral sense of the word. I would not believe my eyes when I saw him in a sailor suit with a plain clothe’s hat on with a bulging stomach and enormous bottom and legs! You can imagine how he gets teazed, because except that all, he has got a nasty character, therefore it is too inviting not to teaze him!

 Valdemar’s and Marie’s children are lovely and Aage, the eldest, is now completely recovered. Having ended this sort of characteristic I must also close this letter. 

 God bless you, my own beloved little wify. I never cease praying for you and our sweet little daughters and every night in my bed I send you three my fondest kisses and blessings.

 Ever your own truly loving and passionately devoted old лаусбубъ³⁰ and huzy

Nicky

28 September/10 October 1898

Bernstorff

Roboro runcina oppugno sigma cedo 3 15 follow you everywhere in thoughts, happy to know You Children well. Fondest love

Nicky

telegram received telegram and letter received posted letter yesterday weather very fine funeral takes place on the 3/15

Alexandra Feodorovna to Nicholas II

No 147 Ливадiя³¹

Sept 27th/Oct 10th 1898

My own beloved huzy sweet,

Sitting at breakfast your Feldjäger was announced - I bounced up and tore into the next room, the Babies behind me. With what joy I saw the man who had seen you last at Libau. From all my heart I thank you and kiss you for your precious letter. All those sweet words have been such happiness to me, I shall read them over and over again and then I will think you are talking to me. 

 How strange you should have walked at the station where the small shells were - I am glad you found some still in my compartment and the toy too. I am sure you play bézique splendidly now - are you going to try your chance at vindt too on the endless journey back?

 You will find a great difference when you return here, the leaves are falling and getting so yellow, it looks quite strange now, really autumnal like. This morning there were only 11 degrees, but it is sure to get warmer soon and I have put on my cool shirt in any case.

 Having your dear letter before me reminds me so much of 94 - that joy to get your precious letters, I feel just as excited as then, almost more so, only the seal is now a grander one and reminds me of your hard work. I am too delighted to have these first pages of yours and shall not seperate myself from them. Thanks, thanks for all that great love you show me, my own huzy sweet, it fills up every corner of my heart and I respond to it with all my soul. “I love you, I love you, ‘t is all that I can say, it is my vision in the day, my dreaming in the night.” 

 Ники, Ники я люблю тебя, ты моя радость мой желанный другъ³² - (cannot spell decently yet.)

Loving thanks for your dear telegram, I received during luncheon, but wh I could only decyphre when I got upstairs to my unicode. 

This morning we went a round about way down to the sea to get warm, and there it was splendid, 15° in the water. After luncheon we went to the Winecellar at Massandra and Irène wishes me to tell you that she felt quite tipsy after having tride two different kinds of sweet wine. K (can’t remember his name properly) showed her all and then took us by a charming road to the botanical garden of Massandra, there we walked about and admired the glorious trees and roses, of wh there were alas only few on account of the cold weather. It was a real autumnal day.

 Irène sends much love and wishes you to know that she talks French with Piminoff who is most amiable with her, tho’ only being able to say about 3 words.

 To-day again three Officers from the Штандартъ³³ dined, now we have I think all of them. 

 No, I am too happy with your adorable letter. I kiss it and love to read it over and over again. I have asked Xenia, Sandro and suite to dine this evening and then shall arrange with her when to send a Feldjäger to you.

 What do they say to the idea of your starting on the 4th? When you get this letter I shall be already alone. I think we go on Friday to Sebastopol. I wish you could send me a letter there as we stop the night on board.

 But now Goodbye and God bless you. I kiss you very tenderly and so do the Babies. Forgive my boresome letters, but nothing is interesting when you are not there. 

 I kiss you, I love you, I miss you, I want you. How is boysy without lady? She is quite subdued - what a meeting there will be it excites me to think of it. Yr own old Wify

 Alix

+ kisses

No. 148 Ливадiя³⁴

Sept 29th/Oct 11th 1898

My own beloved One,

 I am going to begin my letter now, tho’ I do not is the least know when and where I shall send it to - all depends upon your telegram to-day, as to when you leave. On Oct 1st the trains change and the letters will take longer the Feldjäger told me. It is too late to send him to Bernstorff as I wanted, but I think I shall to the frontier. I hope they will let you off the 4th, but if they want to keep you still I must not grumble, to be able to comfort sorrowing ones is also a great happiness. But still I cannot help longing for you with all my heart, as I do love you so deeply and truly, my own precious huzy sweet. I wonder when I shall get another letter from you.

 Xenia was in a very good humour last night, during the games she got your dear telegram, and as I was sitting next to her she kindly let me read it too.

 This morning it is sunny, but there are not quite 10° on our side - last night it poured again. 

 I heard from Stana to-day, they are only leaving on the 6th, such a pitty they do not come sooner, as Irène might have seen Petiousha’s³⁵ house then. The little girlies are very merry this morning. The smell of Coffee in my room reminds me much of Петергофъ³⁶ and the little pier. Irène wanted to bathe as there were 15° in the water, but I strongly advised her not to all alone, as this time for sure she would have been upset. ³⁷

 Several days we have already seen a large eagle soaring in the air over the vineyard - I wonder upon what poor prey it has fixed its eye - but far too high to shoot. The big ducks we have also several times seen. I hope the sea will calm down for us. 

 Marie B begs to be remembered to you and would like to make the time gallop to bring you back faster. She is playing duets next door with Irène, who sends you her love. Olga’s head is not very blue now, she climbed on the chair “to try and stop the rain” when she fell down.

 “Et pendant toute la journée ton dernier mot d’adieu me suit, et dans mon âme abandonnée j’entends ce mystérieux bruit. Bruit d’adieu, qui mon coeur soccore, sent à ses parois attaché, comme un cristal qui vibre encore longtemps après qu’on l’a touché.”³⁸

Oh, when will your telegram come, I am anxiously awaiting the answer if you leave as intended on the 4th or not? The wind is blowing hard, perhaps it will bring you this kiss I send you. 

 My Ники, мой Ники, куда ты ушолъ? Я жду тебя съ нетерпенiемъ, придти, приди, желанный другъ, ты мой супругъ! Люблю тебя безъ мерно. Душа моя, мой ангелъ! ³⁹

 Tho’ I have got a headache, I feel I must scribble down a few lines to-night. Your telegram tells me you are leaving on the 5th and that you have posted a letter containing all particulars. As letters take such an age to come, I wired to you again, bothering for more news, but I heard through Benkendorff that Apapa is going to Gmunden after the funeral and Motherdear going to Georgie.⁴⁰ Therefore as I suppose she may be coming with you, I want so much to know more - whether I am to come to Sebastopol on board the Штандартъ⁴¹ as I had intended, whether Motherdear comes there too and drops us at Yalta, as I suppose she would never wish to land here after all she has gone through now again, or if she goes on board direct to Batoum and we by carriage here. I hope I shall here some details soon, as one gets so impatient waiting for letters.

 I did not send this off to-day, as you told me to write to Virjbalowo, so it can wait until to-morrow, or even the day after - it will make you one fat epistle instead of several separate ones. 

I shall feel quite sad without writing and being alone a whole week, as Irène leaves on Friday. Xenia intends coming again with us to Sebastopol and sleeping on board. 

 This afternoon we drove and Irène and the rest rode over Massandra to the Forsthaus⁴² - from there we continued on foot and the others on horseback along a charming road ending in a delightful path with lovely view down a valley onto Yalta and the sea - we ought to go there with you. After I had walked 5 minutes I wanted to return but Janishef and Zichy insisted upon my continuing, promising me this beautiful view. They walked all way, the last five minutes I got on Irène’s horse, she insisted onmy doing so. But then I walked back again, she too this time. I was afraid to ride now (when you come I can gently try a little) - I told her it gave me backache.

 At the forsthaus we drank coffee and tea and they eat bread and cakes (wh we had only brought), I could not from tiredness. We returned in the dark. The sunset was too glorious for words and made one feel poetic. Качаловъ⁴³ had the riders. On our way out we saw the cruizers passing and saluting all in a line, it was a lovely sight and would have rejoiced your heart.

 My head is too bad, I must go off to bedyby, it is getting on for midnight too. Sleep well and holy angels guard thy bed - gentle slumber shut your eyes and sweet dreams and repose be yours, my treasure, my Ники⁴⁴ - God grant soon you will be with me, lovy dear!

 Wednesday - There are only 9° and yesterday evening there were but 6°, nevertheless we are going to have luncheon at Erelick, as after that I want to take Irène part of the road to Ai Petri, wh branches off to Учансу⁴⁵ after the place we lunched at returning from Ai Petri. It will be very cold, as it is windy, but the sun is shining and the view will be pretty from there, I think. The sea seems very ruff still, I see large waves from the window and hear them too. The poor little steamer is heaving up and down.

 On the 1st a Cook’s party⁴⁶ of 60 English people are coming to Yalta from Sebastopol.

 8 days I shall be alone after Irène’s departure, lunching and dining with the people, it will be shy and melancholy work. I hope you will have a good journey and the weather clear up for your arrival here. My thoughts will accompany you, душка моя⁴⁷ - if Motherdear travels with you, she will be next door in my compartment and you will feel less lonely.

 Goodbye and God bless you. Yr own old Wify for ever and ever.

+ Alix

Nicholas II to Alexandra Feodorovna

30 Sept/12 Oct 1898

Mergo 2 so happy siguando Georgie York arrived antepono Mischa

tender love Nicky

Received your letter. Bring home with me Misha

30 Sept/12 Oct 1898

Mergo 142, tender thanks Mother Dear leaves much later Abastouman immodice adorno 9 weather colder. Fondest love

Nicky

Any letters arriving for me keep until I arrive - hope to be with you on 9th

1/13 October 1898

Roboro cold weather, strong wind, all well, love to You, Irène, Children

Nicky

N 131

Oct 1/13 1898

My own beloved little Alix,

 You made me so happy yesterday - I got two letters at once, N 143 - 144 and I kiss you tenderly, my sweet Wify, for the comfort and peace they brought me!

 Oh! how I wish I were with you in dear Livadia, near the lovely blue sea. And the nights, that is so hard to be separated then, no little warm wify by one’s side, not one kiss before sleeping! How I long for you I cannot say, but you my lovy, may easily guess what I feel.

 I am so glad that Mother-dear allowed Misha to go with me, it will be a comfort on that long return voyage. He shall probably remain a day or two in the Crimea with us and then we shall despatch him on board the Standart to Batoum. I was glad to hear what you wrote about Friedrichs, if only he is obedient and listens to what the doctor says. 

 It is so good of you my darling to invite our officers to luncheon, and I am also happy you make excursions so often with Irène and the rest of the company. I hope you will find some nice and interesting article at the excavations so that the soldier’s dream may turn out to be true. My thoughts and prayers shall be especially fervent tomorrow with you my own sweet Wify as Irène is leaving you quite alone. Cheer up my beloved, only a week more and then huzy shall be again quite your’s utterly your’s and in yr dear loving arms. I don’t know what I shall be capable of doing the moment I see you! It will be early in the morning of the 9th - in Sebastopol I hope, if the sea is smooth the day before and if Wify chooses to cross over in the yacht!

 Georgie is sitting and reading in my room, he writes daily to May. Is not that good?  But now my darling, I must close, as the others are going out for a walk. God bless you, my own Alix, a tender kiss to you, Olga and Tatiana!

 Ever yr very own Nicky

Alexandra to Nicholas II

No 149 Ливадiя⁴⁸

Oct 1/13 1898

My own darling Nicky,

 After all I am still going to send one letter more to the frontier - it shall be posted at Sebastopol to-morrow evening. At last it is very sunny and the wind has gone down. There were only 6 degrees last night. Yesterday we lunched at 12 ½ at Eriklik, some came on horseback and continued riding afterwards, and others drove. Xenia and Sandro met us with their people for luncheon. Cubat prepared excellent dishes, we saw him hard at work in the splendid kitchen. 

 One big and two small tables were prepared in the diningroom and we decorated them with yellow and red leaves and flowers. After that we played running games in the garden with the fatal result that Putjatin and Piminof shot into the cold fountain - we roared, and it reminded me of what you told me there last time, that it had usually happened. We returned by учансу⁴⁹ - the road was lovely and all enjoyed it very much, tho’ it was really cold.

 Irène and the ladies have gone to the barracks to hear the cossacks sing as I could not arrange anything now before the funeral. I told her to go alone and pass as if by chance and find them singing for the Meyendorfs. All Irène’s things are being packed and the rooms are beginning to look sad and desolate. 

 We took tea at Xenia’s wh was very nice, but coming home it was again very cold.

 I hear your Feldjäger is coming to-morrow and as I only heard from you from Libau, I am anxiously awaiting another letter. You sweet one, how excited I am, please God in 9 days you will be with us again.

 Окт 2/14 Севастополь⁵⁰

With all my heart let me thank you sweetest darling for your adorable first letter from Bernstorff. Every line I treasure as coming from him who is nearest to my heart.

 What a terribly sad journey yours is to-day, God help you all. The home-coming will be too awful for poor Apapa into the empty house from wh she is now for ever gone. 

 I telegraphed to you how our passage was, yr friend the engineer gave it for me to coppy, as I thought it would be the exactest like that.

 I can only say the Standart behaved like an angel. We lunched on starting and then lay down the whole time and so were not sick. Poor Mamantof was terribly so. It was really bad and they told it us before, but we preferred it to a long, cold drive. If however it is bad to-morrow, we go by land, as it would be dangerous to land - with the greatest difficulty we only got off after more than half an hour. The wind blew us always back and against the pier, and we so afraid of the Standart getting spoilt and crushed. How it was all done we can tell you when you come. 

 I went round and said good morning to them all. Poor Friedricks looks awful - as soon as we had left I fished him down from the bridge and he remained in his cabin until we came into the harbour. I don’t like his looks at all, he breathes heavily, coughs and walks quite slowly. 

 We took Irène to the Malachof Courgan,⁵¹ wh interested her, but it was bitterly cold. Last night 4°, and in the morning at 8, 22 a half an hour later 18 and so on, always less. But this is now really my last letter, God bless you. I cover your face and eyes with fond and tender kisses and remain yr own old Wify

+ Alix

Don’t you want Misha in my compartment? Where is he to live at Livadia? In Irène’s rooms? except her dressing room (on account of my bath - he can have Anpapa’s!) - Babys wished to kiss you.

Nicholas II to Alexandra

14 October

Bernstorff

Hope will have good passage family alone is going to Roskilde today with coffin state funeral tomorrow in thoughts with you fondest wishes lucky voyage to dear Irène kisses

Nicky

N 132

Oct 2/14 1898

 My own beloved little Alix,

 Many tender kisses for your dear letter N 145 and also for two telegrams - one fr Livadia, the other from Sebastopol, and partly written in russian and english. Brave little Wify, to have risked  and crossed in the yacht notwithstanding the coming storm. I am so glad that no one was ill, it shows that you and Irène are becoming real sailors, because love for sea you have both got! My thoughts were so much with you today, the hard separation with dear Irène. 

 This morning A. Olga, Misha and I drove to town and went on board two of our ships, the “Разбойникъ” and “Свѣтлана”. ⁵²The former leaves in a few days - she goes round the world - the other remains here to escort Mother dear home! You can imagine A. Olga’s delight to have seen her beloved sailors!

 We came back for luncheon. Today arrived for the funeral the archduke Ludwig Victor, u. George of Cambridge, Alek the monster and admiral gervois looking more serious and sad than ever. Some more have come, but I have not seen them as Apapa received every one at Copenhagen. At 3.30 the whole family assembled round the coffin, a prayer was said, a psalm was sung, the pastor made a preach, blessed the remains - and we all carried the coffin out and put it onto a car, the whole family then followed on foot to Gentofte station. A hundred young girls walked in front and threw flowers on the road. The coffin was put into a black railway-car, we got into the same train and started straight for Roskilde wh is about an hour’s distance from here. We arrived there at 6.0 when it was already dark and went in the same way through the town to the cathedral. Then we took the coffin and carried it in - so it is going to remain, at the entry inside the church till tomorrow when we come back again for the final ceremony. We returned here at 8.0, all rather tired and after dinner went soon to bed. Now I must end, my sweet darling, it is late and I must rest. I will write tomorrow. God bless you my beloved Wify, a kiss to you and the babies.

 Your own true Nicky

3/15 October

Bernstorff

Hope signinus millis funeral very sad roboro opploro tender love

Nicky

Weather very fine sea quite smooth Do not forward any more letters keep them until my return telegram received posted letter to-day with full particulars

N 133

Oct 4/16 1898

My own beloved little Wify,

 Fondest thanks for your dear letter N 146 in which you speak about my arrival here. Heavens what a time the letters do take to come, this shall be my last one to you my darling, just to tell you about the funeral itself. I am afraid I did not reckon out the time well enough for your letters, one or two may be still on their way here after I have left tomorrow in the morning.

 I do hope they may reach me safely on my arrival home. I think this one shall come to you after me, but that does not matter. It is Sunday and we are going to church to town, our fervent prayers will meet, won’t they, lovykins? It is a long journey I have got to do, but how infinitely happier I feel this time, knowing that every hour is bringing me nearer to my own adored Alixy and also having Misha with one! Well!

 Now I must speak about yesterday’s last and painful ceremony. The family left Bernstorff at 12.45 after an early lunch with the King of Sweden. All the other princes and foreign representatives left town and arrived at Roskilde earlier. We saw them all there at the palace before the ceremony. Admiral Gervais was among them! The funeral service was a fine one concerning the organ and the singing, but hardly any prayers, only a sermon, that seems so hard and sad - the absence of moral or religious comfort just for those who need it most! The greek cousins think exactly like us and also find everything after dear Amama’s death so dreary and sad. 

 The cathedral is a lovely one, you would have liked it, strictly gothic, lofty and extremely simple inside, bricks and wood. It was a sunny day and the rays of the sun fell straight upon the coffin through the high windows from above. At the end the coffin was carried by colonels of the army and captains of the navy to its last resting place, a pretty white chapel at side of the cathedral! 

 The last farewell was painfully sad, I nearly felt sick looking at poor dear Apapa’s face, such an awfully sorrowful expression! After that we all went back to the old house fr which we had come and took leave of the foreign princes. We were back at 5.0 in Bernstorff.

 In town in one of the shops I found a pretty green-enamelled frame in the shape of a heart, like that, with dear Amama’s portrait, so I gave it to Apapa when we came home from the funeral. I was happy to see it gave him pleasure and I was so touched by the way he thanked me for it. I gave him your messages which also touched him very much. He is wonderfully brave and quiet and does not show his sorrow. God grant he may not feel his overwhelming grief later when the whole family has dispersed! It frightens everyone that thought.

 So tomorrow morning Misha and I leave, my heart leaps already for joy at the idea alone of our meeting and at the same place, let us hope, where we separated!

 Oh! lovy mine, my own darling little wify, can we really hope…fancy the double happiness then of meeting. Be careful my angel - it is too precious to joke with!! My Alixy, my beloved sweet wifykins, I love you passionately, madly, my own little darling. God bless you and our babies. Ever and ever your very own truly loving huzy

Nicky

4/16 October

Mergo 146 congratulate Meyendorff on cossac’s feast today opicam last leave tomorrow morning at 9 tender love

Nicky

Received yr letter 146, posted letter today last

Alexandra to Nicholas II

No. 150 Ливадiя

Oct 4/16 1898

 My darling Huzy sweet,

I am so glad you telegraphed to me to write to Минскъ,⁵³ I hope this letter will reach you there. I ought to have written yesterday, only felt too bad. But I must go back to Friday. After dinner, Irène left, poor girl, she was so sad and cried so, in the morning she had already quite red eyes - she has a very soft heart. We took her in the steam-launch, there were no stars, a pitch dark night, only the waves were beautifully shining blue and green and white.

 Вяземскiй and the bald headed fairbearded one steered behind - they puffed from emotions - suddenly next to us we see the immense red bouye - they felt sure we had touched, but it was alright and the other launch followed well, but it was a nasty minute.

 I went to bed at 10 ½ as I felt bad in my head and so tired. Till 2 I could not sleep, my brain was working for itself and left me no peace (I get it after a bad crossing when I have not been sick.) After that, I slept with intervals, drank my coffee whilst Madelaine did my hair, feeling rotten after the bad night. At 8 ½ I was up on deck and they told me the sea would be quiet, so after saying goodbye to the Admirals and Poushkine (who has gone for a week to Odessa to see about the battalions for Crete) we started.

 There were only 1° of warmth - quite beastly cold, soon I went down again to try and sleep and Mad[elaine] rubbed my head gently, but it did not help, so I went up again, walked and sat about with Sonia, really the sea was quite wonderfully smooth. Then I went and sat with poor Friedrichs in the cabin on deck - it hurts one to look at him. Only just before arriving they carried him up in a chair on the bridge.

 This time thanking went quite well. In the morning at 8 all the ships saluted 26 times whilst the Danish flag was at halfmast.

 Xenia and Sandro were here on our arrival and we all lunched together. The Babies were very well and cheery, and Olga could not understand why you had not come back with me. Then we 3 went to the Panichida.⁵⁴ In the midle whilst we were kneeling I had to go out as I nearly fainted. I lay on the sopha for an hour and a half but could not sleep, so drank a cup of tea and had the Children and Schneiderlein to help me with them. I felt too rotten in my head to go down, so went to bed at 8, after soup and cold meet - the night was again rotten and this morning my eyes and brain are still idiotic, and I am not going to Church as I should only have to go out again and shall stop away from luncheon - perhaps tho’ fenatzetin⁵⁵ will work till then. 

 Xenia has asked me to dine with her and to bring Marie B and Meyendorff. It is a grey and rainy day. Sonia leaves this evening for her brother’s wedding. Bode left this morning as he has received bad news fr his brother who has had a stroke.

 Goodbye now Sweety, I can’t write any more, I am so glad dear Misha accompanies you. Give him my love. I kiss you very tenderly and remain as ever yr own true old Wify

Alix

God bless and protect you + Soon to-gether. I am so sad not to go to Church, as there is a lovely extra prayer for you during your absence. Goodbye, soon in my arms you fly. God keep you. I love you love you, kiss you passionately. 

Nicholas II to Alexandra

5/17 October 1898

Leave soon thoughts with You cold stormy fondest love roboro.

Nicky

Alexandra to Nicholas II

No 151 Ливадiя⁵⁶

Oct 5/17 1898

My own precious One,

 I am going to write again to-day as they have arranged at the post I hear, that my letters to you will be forwarded along the line. With all my heart I thank you for your third dear letter I received yesterday afternoon. I am so glad to have the marcheroute, as I can follow you better in thoughts like that. Lady has also quite forgotten her existence, she feels a complete strawwidow⁵⁷ without boysy and even these days with my bad head she does not offer to comfort me. I hope he will be touched by her love and honesty.

 I have nothing interesting to tell you as I did not move out of my rooms and the nursery yesterday. It poured all day long, I lay out huddled up in shawls on the balconey so as to breathe fresh air, I thought it would help my brain.

 I again slept little and don’t feel nice to-day, a little sickish too - we know from what, sweety dear!!! I went down to the sea and sat with the Babies there. The waves were colossal and came onto the wooden steps against wh the bathing house was pulled up. We sat on the other wooden planks where one can drive down. 

 But to-day it is warm at least. Sonia did not leave last night, I am glad to say. Her brother arrived at 11 instead of 6, as the ship started 5 hours later from Sebastopol. I hope they will go by land to-day as I saw a steamer rolling quite fearfully before.

 Toutles just brought me your telegram before starting, I shall anser it directly - I am glad you have marked the stations I can wire in English to. Excuse this bad writing but I am lying on the sopha and my head is turning rather. I saw Отъ⁵⁸ the other day on his way back from Tiflis. I told him it as a great secret. He is glad I did not bathe, forbids me to ride or stand much, not to walk too much, especially not uphill or many stairs, if so, only very slowly. He gave me a receipt in case of any pains coming, and as soon as I feel the slightest I am to lie down. I am glad I saw him.

 I hope I shall behave well at luncheon, I have not much appetite and my brain and eyes are awfully tired still, it is more that than a headache.

 My paper smells so rotten that I have had to put a sachet in it to try and make it smell less horrid for you, as you must poke your nose onto everything, you old лаусбубъ.⁵⁹ Спицбубъ⁶⁰ has kissed your letters very often and they smelt a wee bit of cigarettes. 

 Ella and Serge left Saturday evening for Darmstadt. But I must say Goodbye now. I wonder whether I shall get any letter to-day. I kiss you ever so tenderly and remain, adored Ники душка,⁶¹ yr fondly loving old Wify

Alix +

God bless you. Olga asks the whole time when you are coming back, she wants to kiss you.

No 152. Ливадiя⁶²

Oct 5/17 1898

My own precious One,

 I am going to begin another letter to you. You cannot imagine what a pleasure it is that I can write to you every day, I had dreaded these long days without being able to speak to you even on paper. 

 Motherdear’s telegram and mine crossed each other - she is very sad at parting with you, as you had been such a comfort to her and poor Apapa. I am sure your sweet presence must indeed have done her good.

 Nothing worth relating happened to-day, no letter from you alas. I lunched with all and then drove with Marie B and then rested, I still feel rotten. Babys came, Schneiderlein too! Olga asks every day when you are coming back, the word soon means to her to-night, to-morrow, so I have to continue explaining away to her. 

 It is perfectly warm out of doors, you will notice how yellow and red the leaves have grown. To-night the wind seems to be rising again a bit, such a bore, I want a calm passage for next time as I am afraid of suffering this time really or my head again. 

 To-day Friedrichs is better again, yesterday he was worse, had fievre and spat blood - it is dispairing, poor man, I wish one could help him, he is himself quite anxious now, wretched man.

 How it bores me going down to dinner, as I feel somewhat nasty inside and not up to much conversation.

 6th.  Good morning huzy mine! I got your wire from Schleswig when I was drinking coffee in bed, I thought it might make me feel better. Thanks to Meyendorff’s bromide I slept better, but now since I have come back again from the sea I feel sickly and nasty. I hastily swallowed some bouillon, but it’s a torture sitting long at table with all and feeling seedy. 

 Olga saw me in my bath again and it amused her very much when I washed myself with soap. I wandered down alone to the sea with Ara and my thoughts, and there was joined by the Babies. Scarcely any waves, but the beach has quite changed, one cannot climb over the iron bars and cord to get to the other side, the stones are all washed away underneath and one would have to make an impossible step. 

 Xenia and Sandro are coming to tea. Irène just telegraphed that she had seen Ella and Serge for two hours early this morning at Berlin Station.

 No, how this paper stinks, it’s colossal. I hope I may get a letter from you to-day, I have only had three since you left, brought by Feldjägers. God grant in three days we shall be united again. How I long for you, my own precious treasure, my own sweetykins. I am glad Misha is with you to cheer you up. I kiss you tenderly, him too, and remain yr fondly loving old Wify, Woman

+ Alix

God bless and keep you, душка моя. Я люблю тебя.⁶³

Olga writes this alone for you, I did not hold her hand, she coppied me.⁶⁴

Nicholas II to Alexandra

6/18 October 1898

Roboro thanks weather awful cold storm blowing Misha I send tender love.

Nicky

6/18 October 1898

Slept well the train reminds me so of our travels together filthy weather continues am so impatient to see You, tender love

Nicky

7 October 1898

Won’t You nexum nilum Sebastopol, got Your three dear letters at the frontier, madly excited to meet after tomorrow, lots of snow on the way, fine, sunny weather. Fondest kisses

Nicky 

Meet me at 8 on Friday at S

Alexandra to Nicholas II

No 153 Ливадiя⁶⁵

Oct 7/19th 98

Darling Nicky sweet,

 A steamer is passing and I hear a marvelous sort instrument playing on board. To the left the band is practising. I am sitting on one of the benches from wh one has got Anmama’s favorite view, I hoped to be here away from everybody, but no, a servant found me even here, Tutles hunted him out with another selffilling pen.

 To-day we have suddenly again 24°, such an immense difference after the cold and windy days. I found it too hot to walk down to the sea, so prefered coming only half way, and here there is a little wind and it is shady and I have a glorious view. On the balconey the heat is atrocious. I am devowering a refreshing pear. 

 Whilst still in bed this morning Orchie brought me your adorable letter 131, for wh I kiss you and thank you ever so much. I felt sad at receiving none for two days, they take such an age coming, 7 days some. 

 I have brought your 4 letters out with me here, I like to feel surrounded by you - only two days more, please God, and we are once more to-gether. What a joy that will be, you cannot imagine how different everything seems here without you, especially when one feels lonely and not well. 

 Bromide helped me sleeping again and in the night I took another dose - it is for calming the nerves simply, not a sleeping medicine.

 Xenia and Sandro came to tea yesterday (I hear an ancient old rook crowing) wh was very nice, as we had not met since three days. I am going to their beach to tea this afternoon.

 If there were only some nice grass to lie on, I am terribly sleepy and ramolie, rather too early in the day my Manykins would say, Ara is already dozing fast, happy beast. It bores her so to come out walking with me, usually she runs away home, I have to keep calling Iman so as to make her follow me - she misses him too. Sweety come to me, I want you, I love you!

 Perhaps you will think it cracked of me writing again, and you will get this probably only a few hours before we meet, but it is so agreable to be able to chatter to you.

 I hope Friedrichs will be better when we go to meet you, please forbid him to remain on the bridge, send him at once below and when you pass the crew, walk very slowly or forbid him to follow you, take Wiazemsky because quick walking is the worst for him and up the stairs he is carried. 

 Now you old sweet thing, I cannot write any more, I am going to lie under a tree and try to sleep. I kiss you and Misha and press you tenderly to my beating heart. Ever yr own, very own Wify

+ Alix

God bless you. Come to Mother and Babes quickly!

 

At the start of this final letter to Nicholas, Alexandra sketched the view from where she was sitting (the only letter she illustrated.) - GARF 601-1-1295

Nicholas II to Alexandra

8 October 1898

Pavlograd

Roboro merge 151 and 152  fondest thanks trust you had a good passage too impatient for words to meet you darling so touched by your dear letters on the journey fine weather arrive to morrow morning at quarter past 8 tender love

Nicky

1. Lausbub (German for rascal)

2. Darling

3. Livadia

4. Nicholas’s pet dog

5. Alexandra’s pet dog

6. Sample

7. Shchi (a type of soup)

8. Tatiana (second daughter of Nicholas and Alexandra)

9. Livadia

10. Oh Nicky, my Nicky I love you, love you so much. You are my joy, my husband.

11. Likhachevo and Berezina

12. Miskhor

13. Go away

14. Hesse

15. A baboon

16. You are my joy, I love you so awfully, I adore you, my darling, my Nicky, you!

17. Vyazansky

18. Nicky

19. Yalta

20. Darling

21. Livadia

22. Mistake in the original letter

23. Ai Todor

24. Hesse

25. Appetisers

26. Uchansu - a waterfall

27. Hesse

28. Route

29. Yelagin

30. Lausbub (rascal)

31. Livadia

32. Nicky, Nicky I love you, you are my joy, the friend I desire

33. Standart, the Imperial Yacht

34. Livadia

35. Grand Duke Peter Nikolaievich

36. Peterhof

37. i.e. knocked over by the waves

38. “And all day long your last word of farewell follows me, and in my abandoned soul I hear this mysterious sound. The sound of farewell, for which my heart sorrows, feels attached to its walls, like a crystal that still vibrates long after it has been touched.” from Edmond Roche’s poem “Le matin dès que je te quitte” (1860)

39. Nicky, my Nicky, where have you gone? I am waiting for you impatiently, come, come, my desired friend, you, my spouse! I love you beyond measure. My soul, my angel!

40. Nicholas’s brother, Grand Duke Georgy Alexandrovich

41. Standart

42. Foresters House

43. Kachalov

44. Nicky

45. Uchansu

46. A tour group using the Thomas Cook company

47. My darling

48. Livadia

49. Uchansu

50. Oct 2/14 Sevastopol

51. Malakhov Kurgan - an important height in the defence of Sevastopol during the Crimean War.

52. Razboinik and Svetlana

53. Minsk

54. Memorial service

55. Phenacetin - a pain-relieving and fever reducing medicine.

56. Livadia

57. From the German word Strohwitwe, referring to someone living temporarily alone, seperated from their spouse.

58. Dr Dmitri Oskarovich Ott (1855-1929), Life-Obstetrician

59. Lausbub

60. Spitzbub

61. Nicky darling

62. Livadia

63. My darling. I love you.

64.  Presumably Olga had written out a couple of words or phrases on a separate piece of paper as there is nothing written by Olga on this page of Alexandra’s letter.

65. Livadia